When I see my clients and students feeling unhappy with some part of themselves and indeed with who they think they are, and when I see them searching for something more inside, and they say “I wish I was more like xxx” then I would say: “Fake it ‘til you make it.” If you want to be different, practice that difference you wish to be. Bring it into your body and life and you’ll make that change happen.
This can be affective and you may have seen it work, or used it yourself. If you play a character or a quality enough, that’s how other people will see you, and eventually how you’ll see yourself.
We tend to seek change in ourselves so that we can be loved or liked. So that we are part of something, included and invited.
Should that be the reason that motivates us to change to become ‘nicer’? Why do we automatically assume that a nicer person is a better person? If that is the reason we pursue change in ourselves, then we’re faking it, and you will make it.
You will become another version of your-not-self. That is, you have invented another model of yourself. An imitation. When we decide that the opinions of others are more important than our own it means we haven’t explored ourselves deeply enough. It means we have suppressed our own knowingness of self and opted instead for the ‘likeable’ views of others.
So, when we want to change to be a better person, we take on a persona. We swap one idea of who we think we are with another upgraded version of who we think we should be and practice it until we become known that way.
We expended that same amount of energy that we would have used to become another non version of ourselves, toward discovering who we actually are? And develop those dormant innate qualities that we have, regardless of popular opinion about how we should be or who we should be. Then we don’t need to fake it – we need to faith it. Faith in self. Faith in the process of self-knowing. Faith that we are all unique and gifted and that we are here on this planet on purpose and the purpose is to discover who we are and then experience the magic of that.
The magic of this process is that faith is replaced by knowingness. All your relationships and connections come from a place of authenticity. So there’s no need for role play – the real challenge is in being your original.
noula diamantopoulos, Wednesday 6th May 2015